Friday, 31 March 2017

The Somersham Dream - April 7th, 2016

I was walking to a family dinner at my grandparents' old house in Somersham, and I was walking from an airport (although there are no airports in that area) with Mike (my maternal grandfather), Carol, Julie, my mum's friend Hayley and Mr Burns (as in from the Simpsons).

We were about 10 minutes from the house when I realised Mr Burns was being a bit weird and hysterical from being overheated from the sun and he wasn't wearing anything to protect his face. I told him it'd be fine and that, when we got there, I'd get him a lemonade to drink and "maybe a wad of cash to smell". He became extremely excited and started walking ahead of us.

When we got there, I went into the living room and accidentally woke up Ray (my paternal grandfather) who was napping on one of the sofas. I asked him where Rosemary (my late grandmother) was and he said she was in the kitchen, making the meal. When I went back into the dining room, I realised Burns wasn't around. A family friend came up to me, one I didn't recognize or walk there with, and said he'd wandered next door to number 15 by accident and that no one had seen him since. Julie told me to take Mike and go looking for him.

We went but he wasn't there; the neighbour gave me this kind of mean, disdainful look, like I was a terrible person for letting him go off on his own. I started arguing with her but Mike told me to drop it, so we walked off. We went past a couple of bus stops and the post office until we came across a bunch of police cars gathered around a ditch at the far end of Somersham village. An officer told us that an elderly man with sunstroke had fallen into the ditch and died amongst the brambles, although when I looked, they appeared to be purple pillow cases.

The dream then turned into this weird, emotional montage of Simpson characters paying tribute to Mr Burns and how they all kind of liked them in their own unique way: one segment was just Moe with clear tankards and they had little Maggie stickers on them. He reminisced about how stingy Burns had been with his money but how that didn't really make him a bad person.

After the montage, I woke up amongst the purple pillow cases and I started laughing. I assumed it had all been a dream, so I started climbing upwards but when I got towards the top, I couldn't get out. I then heard Mr Burns on top of the cases, snickering with his evil laugh, and he said he wasn't letting me out because I tried to kill him. I explained that I wasn't trying to and that I was sorry for letting him wander off. He let me out, we hugged, and everything seemed to go back to normal.

The end of the dream concluded with one of the police officers (who happened to be David Duchovny) turning into a purple and blue tentacle monster who grabbed us both and escorted us back to the house. On the way, he made small talk with us and told us he felt a lot better after coming out as bisexual.

Eventually, we all sat down for the family meal. Mr Burns said the cop's story had moved him so much, that he was coming out, and then he pulled off his skin to reveal he was Mrs Doubtfire.

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